Sanford Berman Rap
Music and lyrics by Elisa Korenne
INTRO
Born Sanford Berman,
Call me Dr. Michael Dean
I’m the only hypnotist
With a PhD
V1
I was born in Minnesota
In the Iron Range
Jewish, in a small town
Yeah it was a little strange
I went away to study
To the Ivy League
But I almost starved
On a professor’s salary
V2
So on the side I did
This little trick I knew
Of how to get the sane
To act a bit cuckoo
Once I get your mind
All still and clear
I can make you do
Whatever you fear
CH
All I have to do is say:
Look into my eyes
Look deep into my eyes
V3
I’d make the football stars
Think they had to pee
They’d wriggle their hips
Desperate to go wee wee
I’d make all the grannies
Drop their canes
So they could strut like Madonna
And entertain
“Like a Virgin, Ow!”
V4
Shiny brown tuxedo
Over pink ruffled thing
Velveteen bowtie
And diamond pinkie ring
My sideburns are longer
Than my cheeks
200 grand a year
At three nights a week
CH
Look into my eyes..
Look deep into my eyes..
V5
Some thought I was a Kook
A nut or psychopathic
Others said my show
Was more than fantastic
I got well known
Started to sing
Even a Jewish boy
Can sell a Christmas CD
V6
From California to Vegas
I was such an entity
One jealous man
Stole my identity
He married Lana Turner
Too bad it wasn’t me
When stealing my life wasn’t enough
He hired a hitman to kill me
CH
Look into my eyes..
Look deep into my eyes..
V7
Full house every weekend
For 23 years
I retired to Vegas
Back to my old career
Left the burlesque
To write philosophy at my desk
A suburban scholar
Free to intellectually wander
CH
Look into my eyes..
Look deep into my eyes
When I count down from three
You’ll come back to me…
Three…Two…One…
OUTRO
Born Sanford Berman,
Call me Dr. Michael Dean
I’m the only retired, millionaire hypnotist, with a stalker, a penchant for studying philosophy, a suburban house with three thirty-foot artificial waterfalls
And a PhD
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